Sunday, February 20, 2011

Why I'm Awesome.

Lately, I haven't been feeling myself.   My confidence has been dwindling at work.  I have been neglecting grown-up responsibilities at home.  Family and friends have been neglected due to mindless interwebbing and cartoon watching.  If I don't do something about this downward shame spiral, I know how it will end--weight gain, bed sores, and a new prescription.  So what I am going to do is something I often direct my patients to do--make a list of things I like about myself.  And of course, because I plan to be funny about it and like attention, I am making this list public. 

I would survive a zombie outbreak.  
I have watched a ton of zombie movies and I know what NOT to do when the zombies come.  I won't cry while flailing about on the ground because I tripped over a rock and I'm a helpless girl, or try to tongue kiss former loved-ones-turned-zombies, or try to kill zombies using a pocket knife instead of a gun.  Should the zombie outbreak occur while I am away from home, I always have comfortable shoes on so I can run without falling and becoming a zombie snack and I carry a large purse that always contains a bottle of water, a snack, antibacterial wipes, and a clean pair of socks.

I have good hair and pretty feet.
Once I've dyed the greys out of my hair and straightened the frizzies, I like my hair.  My toes also look great when I've french-tipped them up. 

I am not a hoarder.
I may have three cats and want more, but I haven't brought any more cats home, have I?  And as far as non-living things, I am the anti-hoarder.  You will find only one tchotchke in my house and it is three little owls huddled together which I found in a thrift store and sits on the window sill right over my kitchen sink and looking at it while doing dishes makes me happy.  Most people walking into my house (because I get SOOOO many house guests popping by) comment on how bare it looks.  That's how I like it.  Sometimes I get nostalgic for the days when everything I owned could fit into my car.

I am a good cat-mom.
I love my cats.  They get the best of everything--the best food, the best toys, the best health care, the best spot on the bed...because they are THE BEST CATS EVAR.

Beans and Molly.
Lucy and Rumple. Rump passed away and it was not awesome.

 I am a Stephen King fan.
I have read all his books at least twice, and I bet I have reread my favorites over twenty times.  If you ever need a Stephen King trivia question answered, I'm your girl.

I don't feel this is my best blog entry ever, but it made me feel better.  I also didn't want you to think I had forgotten about you, Constant Reader.  (I totally ripped off that "Constant Reader" thing from Stephen King; that is how he addresses his fans.)


JulieAnn, thank you for mentioning my snackie skills!  I have a new entry.

I make great balls.
Whenever I want to wow my friends, co-workers, or a whole freakin' party, I bring my Oreo Balls dessert.  Only three ingredients but very time consuming to create, these little gobbets of joy always get me compliments.  Sometimes my ball creativity works well--like when I fling melted chocolate from a spoon all over the balls and my kitchen--and it makes them look all artsy and professional.  Sometimes my ball creativity can be taken as vulgar (besides the fact that they are called "balls").  For a Halloween party, I once coated the balls with white chocolate that had been colored orange, and then added little green dots on top.  Pumpkins, right?  WRONG.  As my beloved but blunt German friend put it, "Melanie, why did you bring a bowl of breasts to the party?" 

JulieAnn, next time you're in town, you are getting a HUGE box of goodies for being such a good friend.